Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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