Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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