Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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