So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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