i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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