I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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