I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize