pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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