i permit you to call me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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