dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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