Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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