i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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