There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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