So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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