I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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