obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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