i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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