Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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