Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize