I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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