It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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she peed on how many people?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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