shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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