Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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