Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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