The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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