I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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