This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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