no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize