she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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