suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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