I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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