Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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