apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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