it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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