how do flat chested girls get laid?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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