i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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