My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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