don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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