the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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