its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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