he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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