How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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