Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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