I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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