I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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