u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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