Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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