i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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