I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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