i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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